Emotionally Intelligent Networking
Transforming your connections through the power of EQ.
As a seasoned (old) sales professional, I’ve attended too many networking events to count. While networking has been a constant during my career, in the early days, my approach was all about finding the right person who could help me, instead of focusing first on how I could help them. My approach was self-serving and heightened by an emotional need for the high that comes with closing a sale. At that moment in time, I misconstrued networking as a mere business transaction while fundamentally missing the importance of creating genuine connections. My networking evolution has taught me the importance of networking with EQ which is the key to unlocking truly genuine connections.
From Stockholm to Antwerp
Recently, I traveled to Stockholm, Sweden for an international media conference where I was quickly immersed in a global network of people from just about every country in the world. While the 5 days of non-stop networking from 7am-?? were exhausting, the experience will forever be etched in my mind. In Stockholm, I connected with a core group of insanely amazing people who found ourselves meeting at a place named “The Cocktail Bar” to wind down together after all of our meetings, happy hours, and dinners were done for the day. The location was a picture-perfect setting in the charming old town of Stockholm, Gamla Stan. While we had a lot of fun together each night and forged strong relationships with one another, what I remember most is one particular connection that I made.
Picture this: a quaint cocktail bar, a myriad of international accents mingling in the air, and me, an American executive, finding myself face-to-face with a Belgian media professional who I sensed had distinct point of view of Americans. And not the warm and fuzzy kind.
After being introduced and early in our conversation, he something along the lines of, "I’m not really interested in ever traveling to the United States”. There were more specifics shared but you get the gist. Here I was, trying to embody the sophistication of a global executive, and yet, there I stood, a stereotypical American.
Instead of taking an emotionally-driven defensive stance, I shared with him that my descendants came to America from Bruges in an attempt to find some common ground. It was just enough to get the dialogue flowing. By the end of the night, amidst the clinking of glasses and the backdrop of a quaint Stockholm bar, we had moved past preconceived notions and connected through meaningful conversation.
Fast forward a few months, and I found myself in Antwerp, Belgium, walking into a bustling media office, only to be greeted by the friend I had recently made in Stockholm. Seeing him immediately put a smile on my face which was promptly followed by a feeling of warmth and and sense of joy. It felt like meeting an old friend in the most unlikely of places.
After that interaction in Antwerp, we connected on LinkedIn and his message resonated deeply with me. He told me that our encounter in Stockholm had reshaped his perspective on networking. A realization that it wasn't just about business cards and LinkedIn connections; it was about the human connection, the laughs shared over a stereotype, and the warmth of a friendship that transcends cultural boundaries.
His message was a reminder of the beautiful unpredictability of human connections and meaningful depth that can be found in professional networking. When we let down our guard and embrace an emotionally intelligent approach, we can truly connect with those around us.
Sometimes, the best business relationships are those that begin with a simple, genuine conversation - and perhaps, a mutual disdain for many of the negative aspects of the place that I call home.
Consciously recognizing the emotions that you feel while in networking situations is the starting point to honing your EQ skills. Here are some of my learnings along with a few ways that you can practically apply this approach.
Making it Personal
When networking, the personal touch is invaluable. Remembering and mentioning personal details in conversations shows that you listen and care. This not only strengthens your connections but also distinguishes you as someone genuinely invested in the relationship, not just the business transaction.
Why it Matters:
Building Trust: When you recall someone's personal interests, their recent vacation, or even a significant milestone they shared with you, it signals that you value the person behind the professional title. This builds trust, a cornerstone of any lasting relationship.
Creating Emotional Connections: Personal details often evoke emotions. When you bring up these details, you're tapping into those emotions, creating a deeper bond that can withstand the superficiality often found in professional settings.
Practical Application:
Active Listening: This is the first step in remembering personal details. It involves more than just hearing words; it's about understanding the context, the emotion, and the underlying messages.
Personalized Follow Up: When you follow up, mention these personal tidbits. It could be as simple as asking about their recent ski trip or how their child's piano recital went. This shows that you're paying attention to what matters most to them.
Giving Without Expectation
The most profound networking principle I've embraced is the act of giving without expecting anything in return. It's about offering your knowledge, resources, or time, simply because you can. This selfless approach not only enriches others but also enriches your own experience. Embrace an understanding that success in networking isn't measured by what you gain, but by what you contribute.
Why it Matters:
Building Genuine Connections: When you give selflessly, it demonstrates that your interactions are not solely driven by personal gain. This authenticity attracts others and helps build deeper, more genuine connections.
Enhancing Personal Fulfillment: Giving altruistically can be deeply fulfilling. It reinforces a sense of purpose and satisfaction that transcends professional achievements, enriching both your personal and professional life.
Practical Applications:
Identifying Ways to Help: Stay alert to opportunities where you can offer assistance, whether it's sharing expertise, providing mentorship, or extending your network to someone in need. These gestures, though small, can have a significant impact.
Practice Empathy: Use your EQ to understand the needs and challenges of others in your network. Empathy allows you to offer help that is truly valuable and relevant to the individual's circumstances.
Reaching Out in Times of Need
One of the most impactful ways to use EQ is by reaching out to those in your network during their challenging times, such as being between jobs. These moments are when your support can make a significant difference. It's not just about professional help; sometimes, a listening ear or a word of encouragement is all it takes to lessen their anxiety and deepen your bond.
Why it Matters:
Demonstrating Empathy and Understanding: Using EQ to sense and respond to others' needs shows empathy, a crucial element in building deep, authentic connections. It reflects an understanding of the challenges others face, fostering a sense of compassion and support.
Strengthening Long-term Relationships: Genuine support during difficult times can significantly strengthen relationships. It's these moments of vulnerability and shared support that often lay the foundation for long-term trust and loyalty.
Practical Applications:
Reach Out with Sensitivity: When you sense someone is struggling, reach out with a gentle and sensitive approach. Start the conversation with general well-being questions and allow them to guide the depth of the conversation. It's important to offer a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing.
Offer Specific Forms of Support: General offers of help can be hard for people to navigate. Instead, suggest specific ways you can assist, whether it's reviewing their resume, introducing them to a contact, or simply being there to listen. This targeted approach makes it easier for them to accept help.
EQ - The Key To Authentic Connections
My journey of networking, enriched by emotional intelligence, has been a welcomed path, filled with learning and unexpected joys. The experiences, from meeting my new friend in Stockholm to the countless other connections made, have underscored a vital truth: networking is not about business transactions but the quality of the connections that you make. It’s about the laughs, the empathy, and the bonds that form when we look beyond professional facades.
In business, where connections are often fleeting and superficial, emotional intelligence can guide us towards more meaningful and fulfilling interactions. A reminder that at the heart of every business card exchange, LinkedIn connection, or casual meet-up lies the potential for a profound human connection.